


The Avengers' Bookclub

by lita



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Bruce Feels, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Loki Does What He Wants, Steve Feels, tony stark likes to manipulate people
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-07
Updated: 2013-10-27
Packaged: 2017-11-13 17:59:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/506194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lita/pseuds/lita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A thunder god, a mischief god, and a super soldier walk into a book club. The mission: discuss Harry Potter. This is one of Tony's worst ideas ever, Bruce thinks. It spells doom from the start.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bruce is doomed

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again to the awesome Irish-Brigid from fanfiction.net for betaing this story for me!
> 
> I dedicate this story to Bombshell1701 from as it's her prompt after all. Well that, or you can blame her for why such a story even exists. :)
> 
>  _Disclaimer_ : The Avengers and Harry Potter are not mine.

The Hulk was very angry. His anger was directed at two blond Avengers in front of him. Thor's hammer and Captain America's shield had no impact on slowing him down. Currently, Thor was trying to free himself from the crack in the wall and Captain America was trying to get up from the kitchen counter where the Hulk threw him. Captain America lunged at the Hulk, aiming to press some acupressure point at the Hulk's neck to make him immobile. Unfortunately, the Hulk caught his leg and defenestrated him...

Bruce woke up with a start. Had he just dreamed of transforming into the Hulk without control and murdering Captain America? He glanced at his radio clock, 2.47 am, and groaned. The was no way he could sleep again. The doomed book club would commence at 9 am today. No wonder he had such an explicit dream as he had been worrying about the book club ever since Tony suggested it. He should have known it was a bad idea.

* * *

_One week ago, in one of Tony's science labs._

"Oh come on, Bruce! It'll be fun. You'll do a lot of good training out-of-this-realm-or-out-of-time Avengers!"

"Is that what you call our teammates? How about Loki? He's not an Avenger and I can sense trouble whenever he is involved."

"Well, it beats calling them Shakespeare-in-the-Park and Capsicle. I need variation. I think you can handle Loki. Besides, we are stuck babysitting him while he is being punished in Midgard. You'll do a lot of good by introducing them to modern Midgardian cultures. They will be up to speed with what we talk about and Loki may come to love Midgard," Tony replied with a triumphant smile.

"I'm not sure how discussing Harry Potter in a book club can help them with our modern culture. We don't live in a medieval magical world. It will confuse them more! Why can't we start with a modern book?"

"Does it mean you agree to supervise them? I knew I could rely on you!" Tony patted Bruce's back.

"Tony, I didn't agree to anything. I just pointed out the flaw in using Harry Potter as a discussion topic for our current world."

"Aww, come on. It's not the setting per se as to the message in the books. Such as hating people different from us as done by the Death Eater is bad."

"Tony ... those messages are for children. I'm sure they know those messages without the need to read the books."

"Can you find a book that has been read by all of them? Besides, we can start with Harry Potter first to see how well we can progress before continuing it. As with all scientific experiments, we need to make deduction and conduct experiments first."

"Well, if you put it that way. I guess there is no harm in trying, at least just for a meeting and if there's anything wrong, I'll call it quits. But why me?"

"Well, besides Steve, you're the most level headed member of The Avengers. Can you imagine me leading a book club?" Bruce shuddered at the thought. Tony noticed it and grinned. "I thought so. Can you imagine Natasha? She would probably kill all of them within five minutes if they started to ask what she thinks are stupid questions. And Clint? Where shall I begin? He would probably misdirect and confuse them even more. He may be impatient, he may ..."

"OK, when you put it this way, I guess I'm the most suitable. As I said, if anything goes wrong, I'll just put a stop to it before I turn into the Hulk and murder them."

Tony had been pestering Bruce for two months to form a book club for Thor, Steve and Loki since they found out by accident that out of all the books in all of the nine realms, they had read Harry Potter. Tony thought it was too much of a golden opportunity to pass. Bruce guessed as usual that Tony got his way.

"Brucey, I know you'll see it my way. Your genius is reaching mine so I think you can handle it. I'll let them know now." Tony practically walked with a skip out of the room toward the elevator.

Bruce instantly regretted his decision. He rubbed his face tiredly and called up to Tony but it was too late, Tony's elevator door had closed. He felt that him doom was hanging on the air.


	2. Questionnaire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce prepared a questionnaire for his fellow teammates (and Loki). He was in for a surprise with their answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Notes:** Thanks again to the awesome Irish-Brigid from fanfiction.net for betaing this story for me! 
> 
> **Warning:** Spoilers for Harry Potter series.
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter or The Avengers. Otherwise, I would already be a millionaire by now.

_8.30 am, Stark Tower Meeting Room 1_

Bruce walked into the meeting room with his StarkPad and all the Harry Potter books. While all of these books could be viewed via StarkPad, he thought it would be easier to refer to some points by flipping through the pages and showing them around. Call him out fashioned, somehow looking at printed words on paper gave him satisfaction unrivaled by looking at those pixels on some fancy screen. Perhaps the academic in him had always liked to read papers and it affected his reading habits. He suspected the others would prefer the printed copies as well.

* * *

_8.45 am_

Bruce was meditating at the head table when Steve walked in. He carried a big satchel containing all the Harry Potter books and his StarkPad. He even took some notes and pens.

Bruce barked out a laugh. Steve raised his eyebrows.

Bruce answered, “Great minds think alike. Those are the items I prepared as well.”

Steve smiled and sat at Bruce's left hand side. He said, “We should never be under prepared. I have reread the books again in the last few days.”

“Don't you have an eidetic memory?”

“I do. However, knowing the facts is different from getting the whole feeling of the books as intended by the author. I can remember the facts but somehow, it's harder to get the feelings.”

“I understand what you meant although I think you gave J. K. Rowling too much credit. I don't think she planned that far ahead to manipulate readers to certain feelings at certain times, very few authors can even do that.”

“It's still fun to reread them though.”

“I certainly can't argue with that. I wonder what the others are up to.”

“I saw Thor having breakfast with Clint when I came in here. I don't know where Loki is.”

“It would be interesting to see what they brought. I think the whole proceeding will prove to be interesting.”

Steve chuckled and asked, “JARVIS, what was Tony's order regarding this meeting? Did he ask you to record from every angle and turn up all audio whenever someone speaks?”

JARVIS replied with what Bruce suspected was an embarrassed tone, “Certainly, Captain Roger. He even threatened to sell my hardware for scraps if I missed any single detail.”

Steve replied, “Well, in that case, please make sure you get everything then, even if he'll have material to blackmail us for a lifetime.”

Bruce laughed and said, “I hope it won't be that bad.” After that sentence, Thor walked in with a stack of pizza boxes in one hand, one jumbo glass of fruit juice in the other, and his StarkPad hanging in a sling bag on his right shoulder. Loki trailed behind carrying two cups of coffee with no StarkPad or books in sight. Bruce said, “Perhaps I spoke too soon.”

Steve smiled and patted his shoulder. “You'll be fine. Besides, it's more likely for us to embarrass ourselves than you.”

“Thanks, Steve. I hope the green guy won't appear today.”

Thor chose to sit next to Steve. Having seen that, Loki sat directly in front of Thor with a smirk.

Loki asked, “Why the fruit juice today, brother? I thought you liked to indulge in all Midgardian junks.”

Missing Loki's insult, Thor answered, “Lady Jane actually said the same thing, she asked me to drink this detoxing juice. She said it would flush toxins from my body, whatever that means. She is the smart one, so I trust her.”

Before the meeting could get derailed when it hadn't even started, Bruce said, “Should we proceed with the bookclub meeting?”

He got three different responses: “Sure;”“I'm so excited to learn more about Midgard;” and “Let's get it over with.”

He drew three deep breaths then said, “I actually prepared a questionnaire for you to answer before we go into the discussion. I will give you thirty minutes to answer it. If you need more time, just ask.”

He gave two pens to Thor and Loki as they didn't even bother to bring any writing tools. He observed how they answered the questionnaire. Steve looked quite serious and earnest in answering them. Thor was enthusiastic, he kept writing something, changed his mind and crossed his previous answers. Bruce winced and gave him a pencil and an eraser which Thor accepted gratefully. Loki answered with practiced ease. Bruce heard he mumbled something about “child's play.”

Thirty minutes later, they were done. Bruce collected the questionnaire and was surprised by their answers. Apparently, he didn't know his teammates (and Loki) as well as he thought. That was what they said about making assumptions. He never expected his teammates (and Loki) would pick “Ravenclaw”, “Hufflepuff”, and “Gryffindor” (OK, the last one was expected) as their houses. The discussion would be interesting and Tony wouldn't be disappointed.

 

* * *

**Bruce's Questionnaire**

1\. Name:

2\. Which house do you want to be in Hogwart and why? It's your choice, don't worry about the Sorting Hat.

3\. Name three of your favorite characters and please give the reasons!

4\. Name three of your least favorite characters and please give the reasons!

5\. Do you think Voldermort created a self-fulfilling prophecy by marking Harry as his equal accidentally?

6\. Did Dumbledore do the right thing by telling only certain people what they needed to know instead of the whole truth?

7\. What do you think is the message of the story? You can give as many as you want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Sorry for the long delay in update, real life and other fandoms called.  
> -Could you guess which Avenger (and Loki) chose which house? Virtual cookies will be given to the first person who guesses it right.  
> -If you have any idea how to answer Bruce's questionnaire, please let me know. I have the basic idea but I don't mind to incorporate ideas from others.  
> -I don't mean to discredit Rowling as she did a great job in writing this series. I just thought it was very rare for authors to be able to plan so far ahead and get the readers where he or she wants them. I might be wrong, though.  
> -Please let me know what you think about this story.


	3. Avada Kedavra!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Which houses will the Avengers choose? Who are their favorite characters?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I'd like to give a jar of virtual cookies for Petreska who guessed the Houses right.  
> -Thanks as usual to the awesome Irish-Brigid from fanfiction.net to beta this story for me!  
> -Any mentions to references you know don't belong to me.

"Thor, could you explain why you chose Gryffindor as your house?" Bruce asked.

"I always liked the kid with the thunder scar on his forehead, he was courageous, and would sacrifice his life for a cause he believed in. That is why I chose his house. Besides, they always had these cool parties and they often won Quidditch."

Loki gave an ungod-like snort and said, "Well, of course they would show the Gryffindor parties. All three main characters were in Gryffindor. The books were shown from Harry's point of view. Harry couldn't possibly know whether other houses had parties."

Thor looked dejected. "Well, he's still the hero of the story. Gryffindor is still the champion of Quidditch. I like that sport very much. I shall ask Sif and the Warrior Three to play it when we get back to Asgardian."

Bruce was horrified at the prospect of Thor trying to explain the rules of Quidditch to his friends. He could only imagine what the Asgardians do with their super strength with the Bludgers. He said, "Thor, Quidditch isn't a real Midgardian game. It's fictional. Please remind me to explain to you about golf. JARVIS please take note of that."

JARVIS replied with a hint of amusement, "Noted, Dr. Banner."

Thor was intrigued. "Is this golf a very popular Midgardian game?"

Bruce saw Steve hide a smile behind his StarkPad while Loki looked perplexed. He replied calmly, "Yes, indeed. There are competitions around the world just for that. You could also come, Loki."

Loki was surprised to be included. He replied, "OK." He then looked suspiciously at Steve. "Why didn't you invite Captain Rogers?"

Steve quickly replied, "I know about golf. It was invented before I was born, but thanks for the thought."

"Shall we continue?" When Bruce saw three heads nodded, he said, "Why did you choose Ravenclaw as your house, Loki?"

"I guess you expected me to choose Slytherin, didn't you? The thought crossed my mind. However, I appreciate intelligence and originality over cunning and ambition."

Steve asked, "Why did you want to take over Midgard then?"

"Well, I had my reasons. Originally I was very studious."

Thor said, "It's true. My brother used to study a lot when we were young. He preferred reading to playing outside with us."

"Thank you, Thor. I can explain myself well," Loki complained without much malice in it.

Thor said, "Brother, I'm so happy that you chose Ravenclaw rather than the cunning Slytherins."

Bruce wished his world view could be that simple but he had seen too much ugliness in this world to agree. "Steve, it's unexpected. Why did you choose Hufflepuff?"

Steve rubbed his head nervously. "Initially I thought of Ravenclaw because I've always been a book lover and I love to study. I also thought of Gryffindor because of the bravery. Slytherin wouldn't suit me because I'm never ambitious. Hufflepuff has a lot of qualities I like in a person: dedication, loyalty, hard work, patience, kindness and tolerance. Being small and sickly when I was young, I appreciate the ability to stand up to bully. Hufflepuff seems to be the house who accepts everyone so I will choose that."

Suddenly, Thor pumped his right hand through the air. Bruce wondered where he learned it from. Most likely from Clint. Thor said, "I just got a new tweet that J.K. Rowling is going to write a new movie series titled called _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them._ "

Bruce was surprised. "You know Twitter?! You can't even operate the oven without setting the fire alarm off."

Thor waved his hand dismissively. "Of course I know Twitter. Man of Iron said that having good PR is the most important aspect of being a superhero. I have accounts in Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr. Didn't you know that I already have more than 50,000 followers on Twitter within one week?"

"Why didn't I know about that? I guess because I never check my Twitter."

"I know. I have been trying to follow you but you never post anything. You should see Tony's tweets."

Steve said, "I hate to interrupt this talk about social media but I'm intrigued with this new movie series. What's it about?"

"Friend Steve, it's a movie about a man named Newt Scamander who wrote _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_. This is neither the prequel or sequel of Harry Potter but they are in the same universe. We should go to watch this movie together and discuss it."

Loki snorted. "Do you know how long it will take to create a movie?"

"No, I have no idea. How long?"

Bruce answered, "It really depends as they need to find the producer, director, actors, screen writers and so on. It will take at least one year even if it is super fast."

Thor looked dejected. "So we couldn't watch it soon then." He suddenly beamed,."No matter, I'm sure the Avengers plus Loki can go to watch the movie together when it's out. It will be one of the group bonding activities that friend Steve is so adamant about."

"You assume Midgard will still exist in one year time," Loki sneered.

Steve asked, "Do you plan to try to take over Midgard again, Loki? Is there something you're not telling us?"

Bruce just crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared at Loki.

Loki fidgeted under Bruce's stare. He stammered, "Oh, no, it's nothing. I just don't like when Thor is being happy especially about something so Midgardian."

Thor looked just like a kicked puppy with his remark. Steve said, "Loki, what's going on between you two is none of my business. However, I'll take actions if it affects our team dynamic."

"I agree. Now, can we please go back to discussing the books please?" Bruce plead.

"OK," Steve agreed so they could go back to discussing rather than fighting. "My favorite characters are Hermione Granger, Remus Lupin and Neville Longbottom."

"Those were not unexpected," Bruce thought. He said, "Do you care to explain the reasons?"

"They're all very loyal friends and also quite bookish and smart. Perhaps not so much with Neville but he was very good in Herbology. Besides, Neville must be the bravest and most loyal character ever since the first book when he stood up against the trio when he thought they did wrong. He even faced Nagini in the end so he was really brave."

"Fair enough, how about you, Thor? Who do you like?"

"Friend Bruce, my absolute favorite is the main hero of the books of course, Harry Potter."

Loki rolled his eyes and muttered "Surprise, surprise."

Thor continued, "He was very brave since young, overcame a lot of obstacles with his royal friends like the Warrior Three, and ended up victorious in the end. I also love Mad Eye Moody with his constant vigilante, too bad he got killed but it was a glorious death protecting the hero. Another one of my favorites is Kingsley Shacklebolt. He was such a tough warrior and the only survivor of the Second Wizarding War. He even ended up as the Minister of Magic. I must say he was what the Eye of Hawk called pretty badass."

The last two answers from Thor were actually quite unexpected by the rest. They would assume he named the trio as his favorites but Thor was certainly not as simple as they thought.

"Thank you, Thor, that is certainly very interesting information. How about you, Loki?"

"So I came last. That's typical."

Bruce took a few deep breaths then answered, "Well, Steve answered immediately after I asked. After that, it's either you or Thor. I thought I would be able to guess Thor's reasoning but I'm pleasantly surprised as well." Thor waved at Bruce behind his fruit juice. "Your answers are the most interesting so that's why I put you last."

"You're certainly good with words. One of my favorites is of course The Dark Lord with whom I identified the most. Such a poor misunderstood character since childhood. All he wanted was to rule the world and to be respected in return but somehow a lot of characters were against it."

It was now Steve's turn to roll his eyes. He miraculously managed to bite back any retort as he remembered about freedom of speech and they were merely discussing a book not hearing a supervillain's monologue. Bruce also looked uneasy. Only Thor still seemed riveted to his answer.

"Brother, I understand your need to identify with poor misunderstood characters in every story. Are you saying that your other favorites will be Crabbe and Goyle because they had terrible upbringings so they ended up the way they were?"

Loki looked at Thor as if he had grown two heads, which, given where they were from, was not a very unlikely scenario. "Are you out of your mind? Nobody likes Crabbe and Goyle."

Thor looked like a kicked puppy. "Surely someone must have love them, perhaps their parents."

"Doubtful," sneered Loki. "Before you said I would be a terrible father. Need I remind you that I'm the only one in this room who is a father. I have three children who love me so I'm not a terrible father."

Bruce thought someone was insecure about his parenting skills. "We haven't gone to our least favorite characters. Who else do you like?"

"I like Severus Snape, he was again one of the poor misunderstood characters. He was very complex and no one was really sure where his loyalty lay until the end."

Nobody could argue with that. Again Steve bit back the urge to say that Snape was a bully especially for non-Slytherin despite his loyalty.

"My final favorite is Barty Crouch Junior. You wouldn't say he was not dedicated to his cause. He also stayed focused and was willing to do whatever it took to achieve his goals. Talking about goals reminded me of something." Loki promptly produced a wand out of thin air.

Before anyone else had the chance to ask what the wand was for. Loki pointed the wand at Thor's direction and said, "Avada Kedrava!"

The green jet light missed Thor's head by an inch. Both Bruce and Steve also ducked behind the chairs, the latter promptly took his shield from his backpack. Steve whispered, '"Do you think the spell is for real? Will the Other Guy be able to withstand Avada Kedavra?"

"I don't know," he answered grimly. "There is only way to find out." Inviting a sorcerer, especially an evil one, into a Harry Potter Bookclub was a disaster waiting to happen. He was so going to kill Tony if they survived this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the late update but please be assured I haven't abandoned this story.

**Author's Note:**

> -I don't envision this story to be long as I agree with Bruce that the book club is doomed from the start. Perhaps 5 chapters at most but I promise nothing because sometimes the story grows by itself.
> 
> -In case you wonder, even if you don't, you can check out Chapter 7 (or all chapters) of one of my other stories, “Discovering Fanfiction.” It explains why they've read Harry Potter.
> 
> -The next chapter will have a questionnaire asking them what their house will be, who their favorite characters are, and how they think the books apply to real life. If you have any other ideas for what should be put in the questionnaire and what they can discuss, please let me know.
> 
> -Or you can just let me know what you think about the story by sending your comment.


End file.
